Expectations

Good-morning blog readers! Today is the 10th of February and it's my boyfriend's 21st - FINALLY! :D

Today was my fourth day of training.  Running is the best therapy!  I think about anything and everything on my runs.  Today was only three miles but when you get on a runners high you lose track of time, distance, and your location.  I also didn't go to bed until three a.m. last night so I did a lot of thinking then as well.

I did the worst thing a girlfriend can do on their boyfriends birthday.  I fell asleep and didn't call at midnight. :/ That could be a reason I was up until three because I got a quick power nap in until I woke up around 12:34 and realized I had missed it.  I know to some people that's not a big deal because you would rather be asleep at midnight on your birthday but 1. It was his 21st and 2. I would have been so irate if I didn't get my midnight call.  So I began to think about expectations.  Everyone sets expectations.  Whether it be for yourself, of other people, of situations, or just in general how your day is going to go.  When those expectations aren't met you get disappointed.  Disappointed.  I hate that word.  It's worse than angry or mad.  The one phrase a kid (should) never want to hear from their parents is "I'm not mad.  I'm just disappointed." Man did I get that phrase a lot in high school.  Anyways, disappointment is one of those things that is completely preventable.  Yes, you might slip up or make bad decisions but in the end it's on you that you disappointed someone.  Anger and being mad comes from intentionally doing something to piss someone off.  I guess being the rebel of the family anger and being mad didn't effect me as much as disappointment.

When you have expectations of other people and they don't meet them, politely tell them what's wrong.  It's better to know than to just be sit there wondering what did I do wrong.  If you want something done your way you have to tell people.  I guess that's why I always seem to get my way.  I state my opinion way too often.  I have a tendency to place a lot of expectation on myself.  Well and on other people as well.  I only expect the best out of myself and nothing less.  I give 100% all the time and if I'm exhausted at the end of the day, so be it.  I gave it my all.  That's where I have a problem.  The expectations I have of myself, I expect everyone else to be on the same page as me.  That's why I do not work well in groups.  If there is a lot of work to be done, I tend to put it on myself because I don't know if everyone will pull their weight to make things happen.  I know this is annoying and people tend to dislike me after group projects because they feel like they didn't get a say in things.  I'm working hard on a project for one of my classes now and I feel exactly like this.  I enjoy doing the work but it's not far to everyone else who wants to do something.  But on the flip side, slackers just make me mad.  If you don't want to put in the same amount of effort as everyone else in the group, get out.  I don't need my work to be anything less than 100%.

I guess realizing my faults is making me mature as a women.  I believe everyone has something they can work on.  I just think my list is a little longer than everyone else's because I put so much expectation on myself to be/do everything.  I don't think that this expectations are faults but maybe that much pressure is a bad thing.  In conclusion, it's okay to have expectations of people.  If you get disappointed, try and talk/work it out.  Don't just sit there with it on your mind.  It will only eat at you and make you disgusted in that other person.  Also, know that other people are capable of meeting your expectations.  When I say (type) these things I'm doing so for myself as well as whoever it may help/inspire.  These are reminders for me to know that I'm allowed to share work loads and I'm allowed to not be 100% perfect all the time (because I'm far from it).  People are unique individuals and everyone is completely different.  Make sure you take that into consideration when you set your expectations.  Live and learn and make mistakes.  It's what develops you as a person.

Respect yourself and other people,
Kayla