Forgive and Forget

Why can I not seem to let the past be in the past? Learn from it and move on? When I have free time I often think about my past and how I wish I could go back and change everything that has ever changed me for the worse.  I have rejection issues because of problems I faced in high school.  I have jealousy issues because of boys I dated.  I have a need to please people, make everyone happy, and completely disregard my feelings because of manipulative people that have been in my life.

The saying "forgive and forget" is such an easy statement to say but it is extremely hard to believe.  I have forgiven everyone who has ever hurt me in my past.  The only thing is I can't forget about everything that has happened and how it has effected who I am today.  I want so badly to put everything and everyone that is from my past behind me and continue moving forward.  Somedays are great and not the slightest memory will pass through my head.  But other days, on the the long, nothing to do except run days, I think about everything that has ever hurt me.  I get mad, upset, disappointed in myself, and it takes me a while to just stop torturing myself.

Someone asked me last week, are you honest with yourself? I believe I'm extremely honest with myself.  Sometimes too honest.  I could live without the negative thoughts running through my head on these low days.  I write most of my blogs to remind myself to stay strong, motivated, and happy and to help other people that might be going through the same thing.  Today I write this blog to be able to look back and see that bad days can happen and I have to find a way to let the past be in the past.  I have to continue looking forward and never turning back because my future is bright.  Auburn, the people I've met here, and the things I have learned, and God have shown me I don't need to look back because my future is going to be great.  The present already is.  Taking one day at a time is much better than dreaming into the future.  Before, I could only hope for the day I would be this happy.  Even on my low days, I'm still way happier than I ever was in my past.  I'm grateful for the lessons I have learned through all of the trials but I just hope there is a way to let everything go.

Moving forward,

Kayla